One Love Forever

Thank you Steve for being my loving husband, a fantastic father, my rock, my lover, my protector, my travel companion, my very own philosopher. Thank you for bringing me certainty and making me laugh.

Steve died on Tuesday 28th February, almost to the day when I met him 46 years ago in Barry on 27/2/1971. We celebrated this anniversary as much as our wedding anniversary which incidentally would have been 39 years this August.

Steve promised me a lifetime of love and that’s exactly what he gave me. We met at a party on Court Road all those years ago. Steve would often tell the story of how saw me standing in the door way of the party and decided he was going to ask me out but his mate Lenny Latham had the same idea. So they ran to the offie to get cider for the party and both of them raced back to the party to find me. Steve had faster legs, thank goodness and the rest is history. When I first saw him, I knew he was special but couldn’t have imagined just how special he would be in my life.
In our earlier teenage years, we walked for miles across the Vale, we snogged down the back lanes of Barry and built fires in dried up river beds. We talked about big things, life beyond the stars and other dimensions
It wasn’t too long before Steve left home at 17, he had a flat in Park Road, Barry. Our own space at last. He had one room which was dark and dingy but that was where Steve got down on one knee and proposed to me. I said YES! Of course
That Autumn I went off to university in Birmingham to be a teacher but nothing would keep us apart. Every weekend I either came home by train or Steve drove up to stay with me. Let me tell you it wasn’t always easy smuggling him into my all female hall of residence. Single bed!

Somehow I got my degree and qualified as a teacher in June 1978 and then it was back to Wales and our wedding in August, we couldn’t wait. We got married at the Old Village Church in Cadoxton

We had lots of adventures in our early married life, visiting Helen in Ottowa who at the time worked for the British High Commissioner, we hired scooters and island hopped in Greece but our best adventure was to India, we visited all the main exotic attractions like Agra, Benares and Rishikesh but then travelled up into the foothills of the Himalayas to Dharamsala, the home of the Dalai Lama where we met Chogyam, the Dalai Lamas rain maker and auto biographer. In fact, we’d met him in Cardiff a few months before and he’d promised to act as our guide. The encounters we had with interesting people was just typical of our journeys together.
Steve loved to learn and in the early 80s, he took 3 years off work to get a degree in Electronics and during that time Ryan was born, just before his finals. The baby disturbed sleeps didn’t prevent him from getting his BSc. In fact Steve was so proud to spend those early months with Ryan and in fact Steve always said he showed Ryan how to crawl by lying next to him and swaying his body back and for.
After his degree Steve was offered a job with BT in a place called Ipswich, I’d never heard of the place but I would have gone anywhere in the world with Steve so we packed our bags.

After a brief spell in Felixstowe we moved into our current house on Woodbridge Road in Ipswich. This house has been our home for 33 years and like a sponge the walls have absorbed all the love and fun times we’ve had over 3 decades. People often say how lovely our house is. Trust me it’s not just the gold wallpaper. Some people will remember our wild parties and music nights. Come and tell us more during the open mic session! If you dare.

In 1985 Jake was born and 5 years later in 1990 Lyle was born. A perfect family, 3 boys or as it often felt 4 boys. I’ve never known anyone so good at tessellation or the art of folding. For family holidays Steve didn’t want to use a roof rack as this would slow the car down so he’d pack the trunk of the Senator with everything we’d need for a 2 week camping holiday and off we’d go to France or Italy. We met our dear friend Enrico on one trip. He invited us to his friend Livia’s vineyard near Barolo, we picked grapes and drank the wine, and Steve loved red wine.
The day Jake was born was the first day Steve had been to his first ever martial arts class. And over the next 15 years 2 or 3 times each week he practiced, Kokojo. He threw himself into this sport, he became a black belt and teacher. We have several of his pupils here today and they’ll testify to his skills of breaking bricks with this feet, punching iron bars and letting groups of mean looking dudes to punch him in the solar plexus. He was a warrior. He was my hero.

In the late 90s Steve took up NLP. He then became an NLP master practitioner. He didn’t just study things he applied his learning. He helped me so many times with my work challenges and I know he gave his time freely to help others overcome their life issues using NLP. He ran a practice group on Thursday nights at the Coop Centre too. Without NLP, I’m not sure how we would have coped with the illness of one of our son’s in 2002.

Steve worked for BT for many years but my favourite story was at his near miss Millennium Bug disaster. Steve was sent to Oswestry on New Year’s Eve to keep an eye on the computers as they switched from 1999 to 2000 at midnight. All was going well until Steve decided to make some toast which burnt which set off the fire alarm. The fire brigade were alerted and were about to be deployed but in the nick of time the disaster was averted and we all slipped peacefully into the 21st Century.
Steve has always loved nature, wildlife and the environment but no longer felt comfortable with his regular 9-5 job at BT so he became BT’s climate change programme manager, switching from a people management role to a role at BT Corporate HQ in London. But it wasn’t long before he realised that he didn’t want to be part to this green wash. So he left to pursue his passions.

I’m sure there will be people here today to speak about his involvement with the Oak Tree farm, with Ripple, with his bees and of course the support he got from John Salmon’s men’s group whose last meeting was at our house just 2 weeks ago when Steve was seriously ill. He loved those philosophical debates but I promise you John, he never shared the content with me.  I did ask

In April 2015 Steve took a train journey of a lifetime, he travelled over land to see our son in Tokyo. I couldn’t take time off work so Steve said to me I’ll meet you on the platform at Kyoto railway station at 2 pm 29th April. He was there, on time after his epic journey across Europe, through Russia on the Transberian Express, across China to Bejing and then Shanghai to meet our friend Professor Zhang with a final 2 day ferry crossing to Japan. He kept a journal which I read to him in the hospice. Some many of his words were about the people he met along the way that was so like Steve. He loved talking to people. This year we were planning to do that same trip together. Sadly that’s not to be but I will make that journey for Steve and carry him in my heart every step of the way. He especially wanted to show me the hutongs in Beijing before they get pulled down.

7 short months ago Steve was diagnosed with cancer but he was never a victim and he did his best to make the cancer cells in his body unwelcome guests. He went on a strict ketogenic diet which consisted of only 20g of carbohydrates a day. Most people wouldn’t be able to stick to such an extreme diet but Steve did and that summed him up, once he’d made a decision that was for life. And even in his last few days, he remained steadfast. He was a leader is so many ways. He was brave he was fearless. He told me he wasn’t frightened of dying but he did say he wanted a good wake where people could enjoy themselves and celebrate rather than be sad.

Steve would have loved the response I gave to Robin the Funeral Director when he asked me what time would Steve like to be collected from pub? I replied that I think he would prefer a lock in!

Thank you my dear family, friends and neighbours for all the wonderful food you’ve provide me and my family over the last 10 days. You’ve sustained me. Thanks for all the amazing words that you’ve sent.

In response to me saying emotional Tsunamis keep surfacing from nowhere.

Cry every day for a year and a day. It's healing and necessary. You will come up for air for longer and longer periods. Even being able to think about re framing your thoughts is powerful medicine. Love and grief come from the same root and have the same sharp, intense feel to them (hope that makes sense!). Zen advice for this is to lean into your emotions rather than turn away, then the tsunamis will settle down into small waves soon enough.

Thank you Steve Marsden for an amazing life, my soul mate. One love forever